I’ve noticed something in this drafting process, and I’m not sure if it’s good or bad. As I’m writing, I feel an incredible amount of impatience.
The feeling of wanting to be done, right now, is at first a worrying sign. If it grows too strong, I might not be able to commit to the hard work of sticking with a longer project.
But in this instance, with episodic structure, it has actually urged me onto faster work. Not better work, mind you, but finished work.
Because yesterday I finished the second episode.
I really don’t even know what to say about it, because this has been such an incredible turn of events and I’m terrified it will end at any minute and I’ll be left with nothing. But while it’s gone on, even at the moments when I’ve had to force myself to keep going, it’s been an absolutely amazing experience of both terror and joy.
This is why I write.
But during the drafts of these episodes, I feel at every moment that I just want to get it done. I sat for ten hours yesterday and finished out the story, because I had the time to do it. And when I have to go to work, I sit there the whole time, impatient to get back to it. I don’t know when I’ve ever felt like this before.
I’m hesitant to believe it signifies anything special about this idea, because there have definitely been moments this past week when I’ve thought it’s all a waste and I will never show it to anyone because it’s such crap. But I just tell myself, “Finish this episode. Don’t think about what happens after.”
And it’s worked. My God, it’s worked.
So I guess, for me, right now, the impatience is helping. It’s spurring me on to write more and more, and get it done, and even if the first draft is a mangled monstrosity unfit for human (or any) eyes, it will be done. All I hear in my head is the Mortal Kombat voice, “FINISH IT!” (I think they say “him,” but you get the idea).
I don’t know what will happen next… but I finally feel like I’m doing something about my future.
And I’m terrified, and I’m happy. 🙂